Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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