o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
