I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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