Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
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