It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
