Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the day after is always just damage control
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
