I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
