The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
