actually, I'm a sock model
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
COCAINE IS GR8
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
