Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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