She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
