How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
