Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
