Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
