no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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