mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
