I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Randomize