Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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