we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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