Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
