when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
