You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
