I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
