Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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