Please, let me fuck your mom
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like eating out sand paper
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize