bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
