a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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