omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
