I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just high enough for therapy.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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