Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
