I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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