Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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