new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
