in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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