it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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