She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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