I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
