my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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