i wish my penis had a tongue
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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