I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
