you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
