Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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