P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
