seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
