the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
