last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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