they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize