Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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