Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
