In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
