I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
