I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
