fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
