Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
