Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
