Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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