I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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