I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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