dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize