My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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