Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
