My room smells like vodka and shame
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Randomize