Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
