How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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