I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
