Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
