Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
