She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
