so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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