She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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