Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
