I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
