just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
