Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
