How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
