I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
