Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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