If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
